Jamila Angela

Papaya and Strawberry Shake

2009-03-20T12:14:00.003-04:00

Papaya is excellent for digestion and strawberries are packed with antioxidants.
But this is just a fraction of information regarding the fruit's benefits. Here are some resources...

http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=47
http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=32

About a fourth of a papaya (I'm not sure how much this is in terms of cups)
Eight large strawberries
Hemp Milk or Almond (the amount you use depends on your smoothie preferences, the less the thicker, the more the smoother)
Agave (again this depends on your taste preferences but be sure to taste the shake before sweetening it, your fruits may have already done the job)

Blend
Bless
Enjoy

Message to the Artist

2009-02-27T19:58:00.003-05:00

"If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you."

Jesus
The Gnostic Gospels

CREATE!

Warm Weather Musings

2009-02-27T12:20:00.002-05:00

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http://www.freepeople.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/products.detail/productID/d50693de-757f-4615-b090-2d2a0634003f/categoryID/7f3a5527-00b8-43b8-96ca-00a0fcee517c

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Happened Upons or Word Sketches from an Old Notebook

2009-02-16T12:58:00.005-05:00

Jasmine

She sways
light bounces and reflects off her head
she is literally laced
she smiles and you smile

Her hands
craft jewelry
bake peach biscuits
garden
invite me to belly dance

Sister locked
upon first meeting she cornered me with good intention
and I am in awe of this goddess
who honors life despite urban context
she sways

Malcolm

All pronounced
you brought me to myself
El Hajj to my divinity
Omowale because you came to your own
In our name

Omowale
Beauty so deep it tempts me to tears
words I whisper softly "Kaaba" "Zam Zam" "Al-Safa" Al-Marwah"
It suites you

Kevin

Because you were the only rhythm strong enough to disrupt my trance

Inspiring Storybooks for Young Women

2009-02-09T22:15:00.018-05:00

Bandy Bandy

2009-02-08T10:37:00.001-05:00

The Still Mind

2009-02-04T07:59:00.004-05:00

Bikram is an intense form of Yoga. Postures are assumed inside of closed sauna like rooms where the temperature is about one hundred and five degrees. The most challenging aspect of Yoga for me has always been concentration. When I focus on discomfort and the amount of strength I am exerting to maintain difficult poses, I break and fall out of alignment.

One of my teachers, Jagadeesha, has helped me to overcome being startled out of form. He told me to detach and to remain present, engaging only what I will. “Be still,” he said. I have applied this teaching to my yoga practice with much success but have always strived to assume this attitude in my daily life. There are instances throughout all of our days when it seems that almost everything and everyone around us is vying for our peace. “React to me in anger,” they say, “stress, worry, doubt, fear, be annoyed, be irritated.”

Yet the reality of our life challenges is that we are better able to address them in a state of peace. Stress, fear, anger, irritation and the other emotions that I mentioned above, are all extremely detrimental to our well being in terms of physical and mental health as well as spirituality. The endocrine system is damaged when we err in these states too often and too long. Folk also develop ulcers and cancers and ultimately exist in a lower level of being.

Work, performance and creativity are also stifled by an inability to transcend the emotional and sensual body. In Irritation: The Destructive Fire, Torkom Saraydariah states, “Many promising artists fail on their path of success when they tolerate irritation moving in and poisoning their being.” I realize that in the same that I lose my stance during yoga by focusing on the negative, I lose my stance in my life’s work when I allow myself to focus on everything that is not a higher idea, higher vision or higher thought. I am not arguing that we should be impervious to our emotions but that we should allow ourselves to do as Badu advises in Bag Lady, “let it go”.

I absolutely refuse to allow anything to take away my peace and wholeness. Yet I realize that my attention must not be directed at everything and everybody who/that I perceive as a threat to my peace. I must focus on directing and remaining aware of the lens that I perceive the world with because it is at the root of every one of my dilemmas. It is also my salvation. Check any study, positive thinking is the secret of success. At this point I think of challenging situations as just that—challenges. The challenge exists so that I can exercise my resolve to be well and as I contend I grow stronger in it.

Strategies for maintaining peace

Patience
Joy
Beauty
Clear sight of goals
Love
Light
Mantras
Humility
Wisdom
Flowers

Lorna Simpson

2009-02-02T22:37:00.001-05:00

"Since 1985 Lorna Simpson has produced a large body of photographs that operate at the intersection of feminist and African-American oppositional strategies to disclose, critique, and resist dominant representations of gender and race constructed by those who have historically assumed the position of primary spectator. Both assaults on the center identified as their target the multiple processes of objectification through which particular genres of representation come to dominate the public and private consciousness and exert social control."

For the Sake of the Viewer
Beryl J. Wright and Saidiya V. Hartman
(p.11)

Billie's Reasoning and Billie's Body

2009-02-01T12:38:00.007-05:00

Dear Billie,

Before I knew your voice I knew your face, or rather your faces. I knew that I could love you without question because of the spell you seemed to have cast on others. As Farah Jasmine Griffin states in her lectures on Black women’s vocality, “the voice is unfamiliar, uncanny, almost otherworldly. It is a voice capable of casting spells. It is a voice concerned with its connection to the world of the spirit, its ability to invoke the presence of the divine.” I once described your voice as being “haunting” yet this, what Griffin has articulated, is what I meant. Your voice resonates in some place inside of me that I do not have access to. This part of me is rarely stimulated. In fact, I am encouraged not to take notice of and develop what I suspect is a vital power, in our masculinist society. It is a forbidden, “dark place”, that cannot be registered using the reasoning tools that are valued in our society. But Billie, you do away with all of that. You grip and grasp that part of me and give me new tools to understand.

Yet, at the same time, I could not determine or own my love for you until I was certain of who you were. This was a dilemma since there are no images that pin you down. They are all different. I imagined you dazzling and glamorous in the photo where your chin is slightly tilted, your eyes are dim and smoky and gardenias are majestically pinned to the side of your head. But in other photographs you seemed cool and uninviting. I imagined you that sorrow sunken, pain laden Black Woman. And I wanted no part of the Sapphire, Mule Bitch. You were not plump...not sweet and I could not profess my love for you until I knew exactly who you were. But in your brilliance Billie, you cannot be deduced. The wonderful thing about you Billie, that I have learned to respect and honor in myself and in others when that uncanny feeling arises, is that you cannot be defined and limited to the scope of my imagination, or that of the worlds. You make clear, through your art form, the futility of such boundaries.

After awhile I decided to just claim you."Yeah I love Billie Holiday." You became my Billie despite the confusion...always so different...as if you were several people. As Farah Jasmine Griffin would say, you were my “mystery”.

I only really knew the songs “Strange Fruit” and “God Bless the Child”. I sat scribbling on the floor of a used bookstore in high school, inspired by your rendition of “My Man”. I did not know that it was you who sang that song until years later. But even then, I loved you.

During my first year of college I began collecting more of your music, downloading it from the playlists of strangers. But the same songs stayed in rotation, I never listened. If was as if I couldn't bear to listen. It felt like something was taken from me whenever I confronted the Billie I did not know. But as I reflect I realize that I did not know how to listen...so attached to the known.

I ventured for the first time when a friend sung the jazz standard “Willow Weep for Me”. Beautiful. I wanted to hear how you sang it. And that was when I understood what it means to sing. You flavored every word, “Willow (you draw on this) Weep for me/ Bend you branches along the ground (you sing almost matter of factly and your voice trails as it to say “here look, it’s so easy”) and weep for me/Listen to my plea (You utter this so sweetly yet there is this strong, sure unfamiliar sort of innocence in your voice. It is persuasive.)/Gone my lovely dreams” I could cry Billie.

I understood what the musician was to the singer after watching you perform with Lester Young, Cole Hawkins and the others when you sang “Fine and Mellow”.

You all were on stage smiling and conversing and you seemed to really like what they were saying. You nodded your head as if to yes “Yes. Yes. That’s True. That’s right Baby”. And it could have been a drug induced nod, but none of that really matters cause you were there. You were far away into some space of understanding that I longed to discover. You understood the language of their music, of the music that you all were creating, and it was all gospel Billie. I understood this relationship when Louie Armstrong sang through his horn and graciously and appreciatively handed the verse over to you when the two of you performed “The Brews are Brewing”. It was sweet. The musicians in the background were your chorus, echoing and supporting what it was that you were saying and conveying. It was all one big conversation and everybody added something unique and different. Everybody had an idea to contribute to this philosophy you all were crafting.

Conveying. I understood better what it means to perform after watching you sing “The Blues are Brewing”.

It seems that everything you do here has an impact on me. You phrased every movement in that way that you phrase every word. Every movement is purposeful and its all a part of you communicating that something. As Angela Davis explains in “Blues Legacies and Black Feminism” you moved the song pass the lyrics. You transcended the boundaries of mere meaning, speaking in a different tongue, ascribing new meaning to old things. Davis discusses how there were political implications to your love songs and if this is possible, well then other topics, beyond the political, can be communicated as well. Billie's philosophy. Your love songs are philosophical utterances on various topics.

"The Blues are Brewing." The song meant much more than the mere words and it’s meaning changed every time you performed it. I have heard you sing that song in three different ways and after I heard one then the other I explained, "She's talking about something else." In your performance with Louie there was something relevant about you put your whole body into the song. It was complex. You lift your eyebrow and gently thrust the lyrics. You sing “thirsting” and “bursting” and I understand exactly what that means to you because you squeeze your face and hold your body as if to say “ohhhh” and “yesss”. Passion inches from your lips and springs from your eyes. Then you sing, “You got the feeling you want to die”. You pause for a moment here but as if to recover from some fantastic feeling. Ecstasy? You sway back and forth on the rhythm and croon, “The blues are brewing”. You are delightful. Sexual. Sexy. Sultry. Sensual. And I believe everything that you are saying. Your performance has convinced me that yes it is a wonderful feeling to desire, “something that you’ve never had”. This song and your performance, it seems, is all about desire. It’s about the pleasure of working and building those feelings up inside of ones self. This is itself a wonderful, wonderful feeling but getting what you have desired and then finally, finally releasing, well that’s also great. This particular performance of the song may convey your philosophical theory of desire.

You performed a feeling. You performed eroticism. You performed the orgasm, linking the secular and the divine. It is the buildup to the break. This occurs in realms of other women's art was well. Note the rhythmic verses of the poets Onono Komachi and Izumi Shikibu, poet of the Heian period in Japan. These women understood this theory as well. The fact that it could be done and performed there on that stage demonstrates that it can exist anywhere. You helped me to see this about other things Billie. Sensations that are limited to the body and separated from the mind, as in the mind/body binary, are not separate because you were there reasoning with your body. You were there reasoning with your body.

Billie, this is a feminist feat. You disprove the binaries that have resulted in our perceived inferiority. You prove that things can exist that appear to be contradictory. You woman/ genius, black/woman, creative/philosopher.

I am stunned and delighted by what you can do to a song. You spark all sorts of things within me. I feel every turn you take in a song in my body through the theorizing that you have done with your body. I have come to know you through “this body, remembering yours”. I could cry sometimes. I have come a long way in getting to know you, Billie. Billie. Billie. Billie.

The Righteous Dance

2009-01-30T16:38:00.002-05:00

For The Artist

Upon the fifth drink she was seized and
Caressed by Tantric spirits

They came to perform A Trance
A Sign For Oshun’s children

Her Body rifted with the energy of creation
The spirits engulfed rhythm and
Re-experienced this illusion of time
Re-experienced God A-L-L-A-H

It was Public Rites
And as sacred as it ought to be

Her Hips moved
And were trailed by color patterns named
Aura

There she was a Lotus
Splendid in Full bloom
There She was a Consort
How Blessed
She was

An Eternal Moment

In it she manifested as the energy of creation
It was polyrhythmic and orange

YOKO

2009-01-29T23:17:00.001-05:00

Ten Random Things About Me

2009-01-29T04:32:00.002-05:00

1 I am the fourth of eleven children. I have seven brothers and four sisters who all share the same MaMa.

2 I think I have been a part of every religious denomination there is. My mother explored when I was young and so I have been a member of the Nation of Islam, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint’s (Mormon), a Jehovah’s Witness, Baptist, Catholic (on my father’s side)…

3 When I was about seven, my older brother told two of my brothers and I that he had dug a hole so deep in our backyard that he glimpsed the devil in his kitchen beating his wife. We believed him and ached to witness this. Over the course of three days we lost almost all our mother’s silverware in the backyard where we had dug a number of huge holes. On the third day she looked out of the blinds into the backyard and finally discovered the mess. The rest is better left unsaid.

4 I have only grown an inch since I was twelve. I am about six feet tall.

5 I never took a math or science class during my four years of undergrad.

6 I was almost attacked by an Elephant in Ghana because some of the students in my tour group decided to knell down in front of the elephant and take photos of him. The elephant became annoyed by the flash and possibly the audacity of the students and charged at us. Our tour guide told us not to run. Several students tried to bolt but I held two of them back as the tour guide, who was about 4’11’’, ripped a branch off of tree and beat a tiny tree with the branch. The elephant held us his ears and trunk and walked away as if to say, “Alright man, alright. You got it. You got it.”

7 I was almost attacked by Baboons in Ghana when I stopped to watch and laugh as they robbed a school bus of boxed juices and other foodstuff. I was just told in a tour that male baboons only attacked female human beings. A small part of me was skeptical, I figured that sexism is a social construction and so it was ridiculous to assume that the monkeys were misogynistic assholes. The baboons were offended by my laughter and angrily bucked at me as if to you, “Move along now bitch.” I wonder what would have happened if I had not jumped behind my ex-boyfriend. No. I don’t wonder.

8 I had a jerry curl in elementary school. The children called me “Juicy Jam” and “Michael Jackson”. Okay, picture this—a six-foot tall twelve year old with a jerry curl. My Grandmother insisted on the jerry curl.

9 I was an AP (Advanced Placement) Scholar in high school, or in other words, I passed more than three AP exams.

10 I have an alter ego. She is a dance hall queen. She is loud. She is invoked with lots of alcohol. I don’t recall ever meeting her acquaintance but according to Marcus, Cleo and other folk, she’s hilarious.

White Boy Swag

2009-01-23T09:02:00.002-05:00

So I love it. Every now and then I would switch the channel to MTV..

<a href="http://www.joost.com/08200dq/t/Goo-Goo-Dolls-Iris-(Video)">Goo Goo Dolls - Iris (Video)</a>

"Rzeznik was approached to write a song for the City of Angels soundtrack, and the end product was "Iris". He wrote this song while breaking several years of writer's block and sobriety. He wrote the lyrics in just under five minutes and composed it in about an hour's time. It is this song that had propelled the band to stardom, as it stayed on top of Billboard Hot 100 Airplay charts for a record breaking 18 weeks, and was nominated for three Grammys that year. According to interviews with Rzeznik, he was experiencing serious bouts of writers' block when he was approached to write a song for the City of Angels soundtrack, and, according to Rzeznik, he was on the verge of quitting the band days before he wrote the song that would launch the band to worldwide fame." From Wikipedia

"Their style, rooted in blues-based hard rock, has come to also incorporate elements of pop, heavy metal, glam, and rhythm and blues, " From Wikipedia

Self Portraits

2009-01-16T22:01:00.012-05:00

Picture Titles
1 There is No Room For Vulnerability on Top
2 She Retreats
3 Ram
4 Mother
5 Morning Scrutiny
5 Locked

Taking photographs has become a means through which I talk to myself. It is a process of processing. I beckon myself to fully express and to feel what is truly within me in order to transform elements such as anger, confusion and fear into more useful things. I have titled these photographs by simply naming the first thought and impression that comes to mind after reviewing the photograph. Usually I recognize, through image, the thoughts, paradigms and personal oppressions that trigger certain emotions in me. Through naming, acknowledging and confronting these things, I usher in what I can only call healing. Constructive self confrontation leads to self actualization. My, couldn't we all stand to benefit from that.

Thank You

Flip It: Young Bleed's "Betta than the Last Time" and Hip Hop Pedagogy

2009-01-12T14:29:00.006-05:00

I wanted to post this song on my facebook wall, but I hesitated because of the Maya that it is immersed in. It is a Maya that is expressed differently then the Maya of the people in my life now. But I know something of both social-economic and cultural outlooks--Young Bleeds and maybe yours. I believe that as activists, educators, thinkers and healers, we must take responsibility for our learning, which affects our ability to excel in our work, and become aware of our obstacles in right thinking and communication. This is necessary in order to actually create change in the communities that we service. That is what, a moment ago, I had to do in order to post this song and entry. “Nobody will understand.” I thought. “They’ll probably get stuck and turn back after hearing dude say “nigga, nigga, nigga” the first few seconds into the song.” I continued, “They’ll turn back from the lesson of this song, saying, “This is ignorant. This is not right”, in the myriad ways that they do. Some will say, “The word “nigga” is wrong”, others may respond, “This is not conscious Hip Hop. I only listen to conscious Hip Hop and if it ain’t conscious it betta be hot like Jay Z or like Weezy.” And so I cranked it louder and moved on, disregarding the urge to share this song.

I cranked (that’s DC for bumped or turned up the volume of in a show of respect and interest… LOL I won’t write like the Urban Dictionary.) and respected this song when I was about 13, 14 and 15. Young Bleed spoke to what I saw around me. He represented and presented, I thought, the way I had to think and to be, in order to get out of my condition—poverty/the hood. Through his music he told me that it takes a winner mentality/paradigm, a low tolerance for bullshit, conviction and a bit of swag. And so this song became my mantra. It was a chant that strengthened my resolve to rise out of a misguided geographical space (the ghetto) and a misguided mentality (one assumed by too many of our youth). Sure, it has its issues, he’s speaking from the condition, he’s speaking to the condition and yet, he’s speaking more. Listen. In comparison to a lot of the Hip Hop available then, it was clean and it was truth. Shit! What I’m really trying to say is that it was not P Diddy! The calm in his delivery and the dexterity of his lyrical skills was like that of a master teacher or a sensei. The brother has some positive vibrations. And so I studied him thought for thought. And I see how his wisdom has affected me along the walk. He has much to do with getting me along on my life path today. If I ever meet him, I’ll say Thank You Teacher.

And yet, despite my profound love, understanding and appreciation for this teacher, I was fearful. I was too afraid to acknowledge the validity of my own experience. But Fuck that. That’s not Hip Hop. I almost abandoned the idea of thinking it through, but Anu said, “Hey, can you write a blog entry for Virtual Hip Hop” I was like “Yooooo.” (I never say that I only write that. DC heads, you know I’m more thorough.) I’m lying but my point is that it clicked. The solution became clear. Or was it presented? I decided to write an article that introduces and reveals a bit about the meaning and significance of Hip Hop Pedagogy as well as the pedagogical possibilities of artist Young Bleed’s “Betta then the Last Time”. This version is based solely on my thoughts and experiences with the song as well as the scope of the analysis that I have presently arrived at. I have some things to reread and research before this is complete, but for now…

Thank you for reading. The sketch is pasted below. Be sure to love and be blessed.
In Peace, Jamila

There are many things that can be taught using “Betta Then The Last Time”. Two that come to mind and that I will identify frameworks for teaching, include the “Law Of Attraction” which is also known as the “Law of Abundance” and Social Justice Education. Social Justice Education utilizes tools, strategies and material from Sociology, Ethnic and Gender Studies, Urban Studies and Psychology, Economics as well as other branches of the discipline. Teaching the law of Abundance also requires that we delve into an interdisciplinary, complex and exciting world of thought. I’m personally more inclined to teach these kinds of lessons together but I realize that folk differ in their thinking, beliefs and work.

But I should clarify that I would not use this song as a teaching tool with all communities of students. Use your best judgment.

The Sketch
Social Justice Education

“I had to quit my fuckin job at the grocery store, cause I’ll be damned if I fall for the Okie doke”

Young Bleed is communicating that he refused to endure the humiliation of working a minimum wage job. He is communication that in order to go for the "okie doke" he would have to deny his intelligence as well as his understanding regarding what takes place in establishments that rely on minimum wage labor. Students from low-income communities will most likely be able to relate to this sentiment. One could open up a dialogue about the way that minimum wage staff is treated and the stereotypes attached to people who work in these positions. These stereotypes include the assumption that these people are not intelligent, that they lack a get up and go attitude and that if they only adopted one they could pull themselves up by the bootstrap. This would be an excellent point to introduce the concept of the “bootstrap” as it relates to Booker T Washington and W.E.B Dubois as well as other historical examples of its being purported and criticized. Students can also examine theories of how classist and racist stereotypes stem from Capitalist thinking.

It is stunning to observe the unemployment rates of young black men in urban communities, and increasingly suburban communities as poor Black Americans are being pushed out of the inner city to the city’s outskirts because of new economic developments and restructuring that do not include this community. Growing up I realized that practically all of the young Black Men I knew, and there were some women as well, from the ages of 15-28, facilitated there own underground economy because of their exclusion from the mainstream. This economy is known as the Drug Game.

“Man why yall wanna take the world from a nigga who ain’t got shit yet, but hella game to put the shit into effect”

This is a very profound observation. Although Young Bleed is speaking to “haters” he is making reference to a system of inequalities. This would be an excellent place to teach students about various inequalities in a historical context where Brown vs. Board, Jim Crow and other events, laws and moments can be analyzed. Students can also engage this through a psychological lens as well as a structural by studying systems of hateful thinking such as sexism, racism and homophobia.

Students can examine how the structural and psychological keep certain people locked out of the mainstream where better resources and life chances are available. They can then discuss how some of the most brilliant minds in these communities exercise their brilliance, THEIR ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE, in other sectors of society such as the Drug Game therefore being tunneled into prison. Imprisoned Kingpins know for their mental dexterity in the realms of mathematics and organization as well as former Drug Game participants such as Jay Z can be studied in order to reveal this point. This would be an excellent place to teach students about the Prison Industrial Complex. Here they can analyze the concept of “useless bodies”.

The Sketch
Law of Abundance/Law of Attraction

“So I keeps my mind on knockin shit off the hinges”

The law of abundance purports that our thoughts are powerful. Our paradigm greatly determines the circumstances of our lives because we attract and repel things based on the vibrations emitted by our thoughts. By directing your attention to thoughts you invite things into your experience. Therefore by focusing on “knockin shit off the hinges” one invites the experience of ingenuity and success into their lives.
This concept is well known and practiced by successful people who realize the power of their minds in determining performance and outcome. A positive mindset yields positive results. It is a task of the will to direct consciousness sifting through what is allowed into it. We must be conscious of our consciousness in order to achieve this, stepping outside of ourselves to as objectively as possible study our thoughts. Which thoughts frequent your mind the most? Are they useful? Or are they thoughts that sabotage? This ability to direct consciousness must be strengthened through mental exercise, especially meditation.

“Being mad at the world ain’t the thing to be, but it seems the world makes me feel it’s the thing for me.”

You are in control. Your circumstances do not determine your actions or reactions. You do! There is a saying in Hip Hop, “Flip it”. It means to “make a dollar out of fifteen cents” it means to “flip the script”. Too many of us direct ourselves in life by scripts written by someone else. Too many of us do the expected living clichéd unfertile lives. It is uncreative to react with anger to things that are supposed to bring us anger. It is unimaginative to react with fear to things that are supposed to bring us fear. It is passive, boring and demonstrates a lack of will power and innovation on the part of the person who merely sticks to the script. Why not welcome these types of experiences understanding them as opportunity to learn, grow and strengthen ones mental capacity and ability to stay peace. Inner Peace is what brings solutions and results, not fear, stress, anger and anxiety. The lesson is in the challenge. Rise above the challenge and KNOW that you can. The mind is a microcosm of the universe. Respect its creative ability. No doubt.

Healing Properties (Some of my Favorite Things)

2009-01-05T11:59:00.012-05:00

The following is sure to lift your spirits...

Julie Dash's "Daughters of the Dust (1991)"

Jasmine

Miles Davis' "Nefertiti"

Nag Champa

Rose

Barrie Karp

Avocado

Tracy Chapman

Whole Foods (I know.)

LifeThyme

Joni Mitchell's "Woodstock"

Agave, Pecan Popcorn

Papaya Juice

A New Notebook

Toni Cade Bambara's "Gorilla My Love"

1968

Quiet used book stores

Book cover art from the 1980's

Jimmy Hendrix

Sun Ra

Anu Ra

White Bean Hummus

Billie Holiday's "Willow Weep For Me"

Maya Hatch's "Willow Weep For Me"

Ethiopian Coffee

Chamomile tea with Molasses

Brown Rice with Vegan Butter, Garlic and Black Pepper

Curry

Laughter (the crazier the better)

Yellow and Orange Beads

"Aiesha's Shea Butter"

Peace

Egyptian Vanilla incense

Carols Daughters "Black Vanilla Leave in Conditioner" (I know.)

Serenity

Gayatri Mantra first thing in the morning (Shimshai and Tina Malia's)

Patchouli

Kara Walker's wily Negress

Snookums + Kali + Cleo + Lorena House (that's the equation)

Trader Joe's "Dark Chocolate with Raisins and Pecans"

Levis Skinny Jeans (I know.)

The color Orange

"The Color Purple"

Almond Oil (three bottles, each infused with one of your favorite essential oils)

"Eve's Bayou"

Black Women

Marcus Borton

Cate Blanchett

Earth Wind and Fire's "That's the way of the World"

Good Green

Spike Lee

Charnell + season three of Martin + chocolate (that's the equation)

Beautiful, Colorful or not Glass

Toni Morrison's "Sula" and "Song of Solomon" and "Jazz"

Alice Walker

Brooklyn Bohemian

Amiri Baraka

Amina Baraka

Fresh Fresh pineapple juice

Ezekiel Bread

Naomi Campbell

Funky Hats

Strawberry and Papaya in a Smoothies

Soymilk

Odetta

Zora Neal Hurson

Folklore

Sweet Honey in the Rock

Amel Larrieux

.............. so much more. Any additions?

"Tuna" Sandwich with "Ghetto Tarter Sauce"

2009-01-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

“Tuna” Sandwich with “Ghetto Tarter Sauce”

You will need to prepare…

Walnut Pate

1 cup soaked raw walnuts (soak walnuts for 4 hours)
1 tablespoon of fresh lemon juice
t teaspoon of extra-virgin olive oil
1 garlic clove
onion (amount depends on taste preference)
salt

Place ingredients in a food processor and mix until it is a paste.

“Ghetto Tarter Sauce”

1 tablespoon of Veganaise
1 tablespoon of organic ketchup

Mix together ingredients

Sandwich Preparation

Spread “ghetto tarter sauce” on toasted Ezekiel Wraps.
Place kale (massaged with olive oil and cayenne pepper), spinach, shredded carrots and celery on bread.
Cover with other wrap and Viola!

Jicama and Cherry Tomatoes are very good on the side.

Piano Lesson

2009-01-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

Today, Kala Uhuru taught me to play the song “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”. I learned the octaves and their correlation to the black keys and basic music reading skills. I learned the name of the spaces and lines on the musical sheet so much so that I was able to draw my own diagram of the song, making a musical sheet under Kala’s instruction.

It was dynamic. Kala is home schooled and attended a Waldorf school during her early years and this I believe has helped to expand her thinking beyond that of traditional education. I explained to Kala, as we were reflecting on the lesson, that it was a difficult process for me because to play an instrument you must simultaneously employ both a theory and its correlating action. I, unfortunately, have never had to do both these things. I received educational training in the neglected public system. I was able to drift onto other levels of thought, not focusing my full attention on the task at hand, because it was not necessary. I could perform optimally without mindfully directing my attention and focus to my studies. And this mindful directing of mental processes is an act that requires discipline, a necessary skill set for the students that I am interested in producing.

I had to exercise parts of my mind that have up until now seemed dormant. I eased into a mental space that felt comfortable because the act of playing the piano, which requiring disciplined focus, was effortless. I became very concerned about my level of performance. I made no excuses for my mistakes, they were errors that with greater attention could be easily avoided and the learning process sparked this new found sense of responsibility within my.

This, it seems, is the attitude that Kala has developed in relation to her education. She takes it upon herself to study the questions that confront her as she moves through her life. I first realized this tendency of hers when Kala wanted to dye her hair a lighter color and so engaged in conversation with me about the pros and cons of different approaches. She had settled on using henna and started her research project anew in order to pick a brand that would give her the best coloring results while maintaining the health of her hair and body. She applied the same deduction and organizational skills to find the most effective piano lesson material online. This attitude of independence regarding the acquisition of knowledge transcended her academic studies.

Overall, learning to play the piano was a meditative experience. I had to constantly reign my mind in, pushing out distractions at will. And the result, the achieved state that was due to this mental exercise, was like the tuned and connected state of mind experienced after meditation. Playing the piano under Kala’s tutelage required me to be in a mindful state. As I eased into this mental space, everything, at once, became more significant then before. I listened closely to every section of each note and wondered, How can I express the unsayable here? How can I interpret?

Day Five of Fast

2009-01-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

I fasted for the first time last week. I will not share all of the writing that I've done during that time but here is a peek.

Day 5 of Fast

I’ve been having intense cravings for McDonald’s all morning. I found myself experiencing one of those quick thoughtless thoughts and almost looked over at my partner and said “Come on. Let’s get some breakfast.” This feeling lasts only for a moment and so after I have snapped back into reality, I ask myself “What the hell is wrong with you?”. I haven’t had beef in over five years! So why can I taste a warm cheesy double cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, pickles and a little dehydrated onions and tomato? Why I am obsessing over this desire for french fries. No bump that, I want a stack of hot, white, enriched flour pancakes soaked in butter with warm maple syrup, hot turkey sausage, kinda seared-burnt on one side…you know the kind that comes in those two long rolls, some cheesy eggs and processed orange juice on the side. Now I feel sick just envisioning this meal. Back and forth I go. My past is here in my mouth.

I think the source of these food desires is that I forget I’m fasting. I’m not hungry. There are no intense hunger pains, no fatigue. I feel great. Though my body feels hetep my mind won’t let up. There are things, toxins, and trace elements of some junk that are clearly etched in me. When I was fourteen I worked at McDonalds. It was my first job and I was ecstatic. I lied to management and told them I was seventeen in order to get $6.15 an hour instead of $5.15 and also to have access to the grill where I could concoct my own savory designs. I ate more McDonalds in the six months that I worked there, than anyone should eat in their entire life. As a child I thought McDonalds was the most fantastical meal there was. McDonald’s trumped Popeye’s, McDonalds trumped Pizza Hut, McDonalds even trumped Red Lobster. I didn’t eat there often, only on rare occasions. My father would park up the street during a custody dispute so that my mother was not aware. He took us to McDonalds for breakfast before dropping us off at school. I would order my absolute favorite, a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit with a hash brown that if I could I would trade in for another sandwich and orange juice that if I could I would trade in for another sandwich. I devoured it in this awesome bliss. Yum for the crispy, flakey, white, artificially buttery biscuit topped with fake, plastic eggs and who knows what, when or where cheese and of course that crisp, bottom of the bottom, bred in the filthiest of slaughtering facilities, swine.

I write like this, making sure to break illusion and point out the folly, to make myself feel better about my cravings. McDonalds, with their little chemicals that they disguise as food and other addiction forming devices, has done some fucked up shit. I can’t even look at a deep, bright yellow right now without craving a breakfast sandwich. I was looking through pictures of a friend and realized that Neo Soul makes me crave McDonalds! I glanced at a television yesterday. There was a Pillsbury commercial that just hypnotized me. The doughboy, that soft, misshaped bringer of all that is evil about whiteness, is strangely seductive.

The good thing about all of this is that Queen Afua, in one of the books/workbooks I have read, states that the things we crave during fasting are the things that are leaving our bodies. I am releasing.